Cineleisure's Next Online Sensation 4: Challenge 1 experience!

So just last week I was having the shittiest week of my life. Like literally everything was not even going my way and I thought I was gonna lose my mind. But then somewhere in the middle of the week, I recieved an email from Cathay, stating that I was shortlisted to join Cineleisure Next Online Sensation! Excited much? I was contemplating is I should go because I had assignments and exams, and I am a socially awkward person. But... Yolo! So I attended the briefing held last Saturday and here's challenge 1!
We were broken into groups and tasked to renact and recreate the OOTD of characters from the upcoming movie, our sister mambo. I was given the role of the baby (#manjalikeababy).
And I went on a shopping spree to pick my outfit~

 

And these were the stuff I ended up with^^

Of course I narrowed it down to my blue Babydoll dress!
These were my initial "OOTD" shots:

But then... After I was done, I realized they weren't even OOTDs. You can't even see my outfits la please== I kinda panicked cos I had assignments to rush for and I didn't have time to retake. But thank god I had time to retake everything before doing our group shot today!
So here are the final individual photos I'm still sifting through to see which one I wanna sumbit

I look like a sexay baby HAHAHAHAHA wtf

Eddie told me to suck on the lollipop. So here's my attempt to stuff it into my mouth. LOL!
And finally, our group photos for the challenge
(feat. Yilin as hot like sambal belachan, birdy as old school like kaya and jiewei as kaypo like an aunty, and myself as manja like a baby)

My legs look flipping huge okay. But don't judge.

Do watch out for all of us on the 4th season of Cineleisure's next online sensation okay!^^

"I ain't fat, I'm fluffy"

Okay so.... We all know that Chinese New Year is in full swing. Say nice things, grab ang pow, go home. Okay no, maybe we spend a little time catching up with relatives and stuff like that too. I generally enjoyed my new year. Except for one thing.

"WA AH GIRL AH! WHY YOU SO BIG SIZE NOW?"

"CHERYL! WHY YOU SO MUSCULAR?! YOU STILL WANT TO GROW BIGGER AH?"

"EH! YOUR TOP HALF OF THE BODY VERY UGLY LEH."

"AIYO! YOU SEE LA! LAST TIME SO PRETTY AND SLIM. NOW MUAY THAI ALREADY BECOME LIKE THAT"

"CHERYL, YOU LIKE GROW FATTER LEH."

Bitch please...

I get le hint you little humans... I needz to lose weight. I'm working on it and I don't need you to tell me. As long as I has a flat tummy, and I can still parade around in crop tops, I will NEVER think that I am too fat. It takes skill to have a big everything else, but a small tummy. No seriously, it does.

I get really annoyed when people tell me I should stop going for Muay Thai cos it's making me ugly, or I should lose a bit of weight because well.... All the stick thin models in magazines are well... Stick thin. Like no... No. I will not subject myself to forsaking all the good food and desserts in the world just so I can be a "perfect" size 2. And I will not stop going for Muay Thai because... Fuck you.

So unless you are "the weight class" for fights, or you're convinced that I am obese, don't even think of telling me how much I should weigh and what I should or should not eat. I decide when and how much dessert I want to eat.

And then for all you sour bitches out there going like "being fat is nothing to be proud of".

There is a fine line being "fat" healthy and "fat" unhealthy. If I were loafing around on a sofa, eating chips, drinking soda and stuffing myself with Ice Cream all day, hell yeah you can call me fat.

But if I eat moderately, work out, tone my fabulous butt and do at least one sport, I am pretty damn sure that I ain't fat. I'm fat fit. And I think that this fat ass can kick most of your skinny asses any day. Just don't put me up against people like Ronda Rousey cos I'd die before I get to kick her ass. She da queen tho. 

*Just in case you don't know who she is, here's a video for you.*

This woman is badass and she ain't no size 2. She is gorgeous even tho she a fighter.

So zip it.

Open letter to ALL FOREIGN TALENTS

Dearest Foreign Talents,

I'd first like to show my gratitude for your help in building Singapore. I know you left your family, came here to work, just so you could give them a better life. And I respect you for that. I really do. It is noble, and personally, I would not be able to do it. I would not be able to stay away from my family for years, working like a mad cow, just so I can give them more on their plate. I am selfish like that. I could never leave the warmth of my loved ones.

And to all the foreign workers who sing praises about us Singaporeans being accepting and kind, thank you. Thank you for appreciating us, and for respecting out country. Thank you for not stepping all over us, even though it is you who build our country on our behalf. Without you working so hard in the hot sun, we will not have out comfortable homes. Without you taking up the full time positions in the service line, we'd have no entertainment. It means a lot to us.

But there has been a couple of black sheep in your community that has made us Singaporeans very unhappy, thus turning hostile towards all of you. This is afterall out home. It is still Singapore.

While I know that without you, we may not have what we have today, please do not forget that without us, you would not be able to give your family a better life. It is a win-win situation.

And while you are here, please learn to respect the locals. You demand respect from us for doing all the hard labour. Yet you throw your weight around and expect to be treated like first class citizens. You are not the Singaporean here. We are. I know that the government is very protective towards you, and this may lead to the misconception that "Singapore belongs to the FTs". But here is the thing. Put yourself in our shoes. How would you like it if us Singaporeans went over to your country, took your jobs, disrespected you, and demand to be treated better than the locals? Now do you see where I am coming from?

There are some insensitive brutes out there who were obviously never taught manners at all. It spoils the reputation of every other FT who has good intentions. 

You come to our land, mock us, tell us to make your language one of Singapore's official languages just because so many of you are here. You try to con us, you want to take over our country and chase us all out, You tell us all to get out of  our country, call us dogs and second class citizens. Is this how you show your appreciation to a country that feeds you? We did not let you take our jobs away to get this in return. The least you could do is thank us for it, even if you don't like us. Didn't anyone teach you how to be grateful?

Point is, if you do not like us Singaporeans, don't even come here. Go somewhere else. There are so many more foreigners wanting to come here, with way better attitudes than you. Just because you are a little bit more educated than them, and have the privilege to come here, you take advantage of it and push us around. You assume that just because the Government has your back, we cannot and will not do anything.

I believe I speak for all Singaporeans when I say this. One day, we will find a way to fire back. And all you ungrateful brats will be back where you started, trying to make ends meet back at your homeland. Maybe then you will appreciate what you had here and finally learn what respect is.

It is alright if you do not learn. But here is another scenario for you to consider. If after this you still do not think what you are doing here is wrong, you are a bloody mother fucking inhumane beast that does not deserve to step foot into Singapore. Let's think about your children. Assuming that right now your country has MANY foreign talents. Your child is a fresh university graduate, who has to compete with her countrymen and foreigners for a job. And when she FINALLY lands a job, she gets bullied, pushed around, teased and called names by foreigners, even though this is her country. She goes home everyday with a sulk, stressed and upset. How would you feel now? Wouldn't you feel angry?

Now this is how we feel.

We are taken as jokes here in our homeland when it is suppose to be Singaporeans first.
We are already facing enough competition from our own kind as it is. We do not need assholes like you to take our jobs, homes and mates away from us.

If you go into another person's home, you would respect their home.

So why can't you do the same to us?

Why can't you treat us the way you want to be treated, instead of complaining that we see you in a negative light after what you have done to us?

It is not fair.

And to all Singaporeans out there. I know you are angry. Trust me, I am angry too. I do not like being treated like garbage in my own home.

But why stoop down to their level and be like them? It sheds bad light on us. They can just turn the tables and say we are the ones bullying them and calling them names. And people believe them because of the nasty way we voice our thoughts. (I am guilty of that too) I know it is impossible to ignore it. But I hope you also remember that despite those disgusting, undeserving FTs that have eroded our respect for them, there are also those who are genuine in helping us build our home. There are still FTs out there who respect us, and want to be accepted in our community as well. So don't forget about those people.

And my final word to ALL FTs: if you do not like us, or our country, you are welcome to leave anytime you wish. If you think you are "SO WELL" sought after, you can choose to head to another country and work there instead. We will welcome you and treat you well only when you learn to treat us well. This is our home. And we will defend it with everything we have.

Much love, 

a true blue Singaporean.

little piece of poop

The less you care the less you get hurt.

The less you expect, the more easily you are satisfied.

The less emotionally involved you get, the less you cry.

It doesn't help if you have people harping on your flaws everyday.

Or if you have people you care so much for giving up on you all the time.

Talk is cheap.

It does not even cost a cent.

Then when you are screwed and you feel so horrible, everyone runs.

Either that or they try for a bit, then they decide that they cannot handle your shit and just walk away.

Very helpful indeed.

Or you just keep losing people one by one,.

They just become more and more distant even though they say they are not.

You can actually feel it in your bones.

Like...

Why did you ever come into my life if all you are ever going to do is give up on me and walk away?

You might as well just stay out right?

I'd rather not hear from you than put up with having your cold replies.

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Sometimes I swear I really just want to rip my heart out.

I never asked to have feelings in the first place.

So why give it to me?

I am trying so hard to stay sane.

But it seems almost impossible.

It is even harder to not cry myself to sleep at night

And much worse to keep myself from punching walls at ungodly hours.

It seems the hardest to just wake up really feeling okay because I know I am really dying on the inside.

Or because everyday I wake up, I might just be a day closer to losing the people I love.

I don't see the joy in that.

Not when it is you I might be losing.

I just cannot do this anymore.

Not So Perfect Fairytale

Just about 2 weeks ago I was having the hardest time of my life. Well actually it was more like through the month of March and somewhat through a bit of April too. It was just like nothing went my way and everything seemed to be against me. And don't even get me started on this nut job who took my bestie for a ride and dropped him like a hot potato after shit happened.(no, it wasn't that shit and she did apologise after that) I swear I was so pissed on his behalf I felt like stabbing her a million times. (True story. I was leaping off the bed and had to be held down)

And then of course you have the usual heart breaking shit, and feeling so fucking insecure and unworthy that you just wanna bury yourself deep into the soil. *if you don't know what I am talking about, refer to my previous post please <3*

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But I am just so happy that all that shit is over and right now I am just the happiest little fluff ball alive on this planet.

Because it's 2am in the morning and I am half asleep, I will just let the picture do the talking~

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I am not saying that it is easy waiting for someone. It most definitely is not. You guys have no idea how many times I gave up on this retard and fell back in love with him again over the years. And I am glad I did.

I watched this asshole grow from an insensitive guy who only cared about himself to someone who offers to hold my shit, and opens doors for me. This was the same dumbass who used to take "I'm fine", "its nothing", etc seriously. But now he knows that something is wrong the moment my tone changes just a little. He used to be someone who never cared about how I felt. As long as he was happy, everything else did not matter. (except basketball, and his guys) But now he makes an effort to ask me what happened and just listen to me rant and be a total bitch. This retard never ever left me no matter how screwed up or drunk or retarded I was because he promised.

And he is the most gentlemanly shit you will ever find. No.. Wait. He is like a badass with a warm heart.

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Trust me, to be able to watch someone change their attitude towards you and start treating you like you actually matter, is something really really wonderful. It's one of those feelings you can never put in words simply because it just feels so amazing and heart warming.

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I am not saying that he/she will feel the same about you. After all you love them because you just do, not because you want them to feel the same.

It is all up to you to determine if that person is worth the wait. You are going to cry your ass out, have sleepless nights, think about them all the time to the extent that you just want to rip your head into pieces. And finally you are going to feel fucking insecure because you will never know if someone else will just walk into their life and get them without even trying as hard as you did, or waiting as long as you. That person may not even love them as much as you do. Shit is going to happen, but it is all up to you to choose if you want to stay till the very end and fight, or if you want to let them go because of whatever reason you may have.

But keep in mind that YOU MATTER. It ain't all about them. You matter too. You have every single right to just walk away and ever look back. Just as you have the right to push anyone away and say "back off, he's mine. I fought hard to keep him." Whatever floats your boat and whatever gets you the best outcome. No one has the right to take the smile away from your face. So DO NOT let that happen. At the end of the day, you need to be happy too. So don't let your heart do all the talking, let your brain have a say in it too. You will thank your brain someday for saving your butt.

"No pain, no gain"
"Good things come to those who wait."
"There is no such thing as a perfect fairytale. If you believe that it is, then it will be. Otherwise It is nothing more than just another story of great pain and sorrow."

beautiful nightmare

If only I could go to you - Song Jieun

I've been trying to look on the bright side of things. But then I began realising that I was just deceiving myself. I know things will never work out the way I want them to be, and neither will I be able to control my feelings at all. I've been telling myself that everything will be okay. That someday I will get used to it and it will not feel so bad anymore. But that someday never came. Even after 3 years I still feel the same.

I know you promised you would always be here for me no matter what. And I know that what we have is much more than what normal friends or "bros" will ever have. But someday, some girl is going to come along and have your heart without even trying. And you're gonna care for her the same way you care for me. You're gonna tell her that she is the only girl in your life. You will play with her, laugh with her, be silly around her and hold her. You will do everything we ever did with her. And she will love you the same way that I love you. But the difference is that you will love her too. Am I suppose to let you go then, give you my well wishes, and pretend that nothing ever happened?

You never said that you didn't want me, yet you never said that you wanted me either. All you ever told me is that the thought of me leaving you breaks your heart. And that is what makes me stay. Because I never want to break your heart. Yet on the other hand, I am trying not to feel anything whenever we are together. I am trying so hard to treat you like all my other bros. But I can't. I can't even stop my tears from falling whenever I think about you or whenever I look you straight in the eye.

You just don't know what it is like to love someone this much. That is why you don't know how much it hurts knowing that at the end of the day we spend together, we will always be nothing more than friends. You don't know what it is like to keep your feelings to yourself just so that the other person can be happy. And you will never understand how it feels like to burst with happiness just because I get to spend time with you. Neither will you understand what it is like to cry yourself to sleep every time we argued and ended everything with a "k bye."

My friends all told me that I asked for it. I shouldn't be soft and I shouldn't even give in, especially when I clearly know what I am getting myself into. They are right. But I can't control how I feel either.

They don't know that I have tried ignoring you, asking you to go away, calling you the nastiest things I could ever think of. They just don't work. Every time I see you try so hard to get me to talk to you, or ask me why I am ignoring you, I just can't help but give up and give you another chance.

It is funny how I am shooting myself in the foot over and over again, but I don't ever learn from the pain.

Some day you'll just be nothing but a beautiful nightmare I never want to wake up from.

I obviously lost...

Loves ♡

I finally picked up muay thai after months of procrastinating and deliberating. And I am totally not regretting doing so^^

Check out my super chio Gloves and hand wraps~HAHAHA! 

Anyway, spent the afternoon with my loves yesterday ♡ its been a while since I enjoyed myself so much.

Had Muay Thai from 1220-120~ so Vickie and Marcel sat in to watch me go crazy while waiting for Ben to make his grand appearence HAHA! 

Then had lunch, Movie and went shopping! ^^ yay! 

And and can I add that yesterday was the first time someone (or some two in this case) treated me like a girl. Super touched la! I'm usually like super "bro" with my guy friends that they forget I am a girl. So when Ben and Marcel treated me like a fragile flower pot yesterday it was so awkward but touching ♡♡♡ I felt so happy and wiggly! LOL!

 THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU 

（*⌒３⌒*）

♥My FAVOURITE guy Marcel♥

♥pedo bro from another mother♥

I'm just kidding~ super adorable Ben

♥my fun sized food and Yolo QT Vickie♥

And yes, we are missing my twinny Sam cos she didnt come♡

But ya.. Love you all to bits!

Hugs and kisses!

On a side note... CANT WAIT FOR TRAINING ON MONDAY WITH ZHU AND INDREK!