X

I didn't know what was a suitable title for this post, so X was the first thing that came to my mind. X as in ex  friend, ex brother, ex someone who was there for me during my darkest hours, yet never once shared any of my joy with me.

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We haven't spoken in the longest time ever. And I never made it a point to even think of you because I am so convinced that I hate you more than anyone else. You can insist that it wasn't your fault, that you couldn't control what you did. But I feel that if you had even an ounce of respect for me, you would never have done any of those things. Honestly, what am I to you? 

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And then today something just felt really... Wrong. You were the idiot I thought of while I was making trips around town alone. Ikr, why?== 

I just felt really thankful that you were always there when I was the most screwed up and forsaken thing on earth. You just always appear at the right time to talk to me, cheer me up, offer me a shoulder to cry on and hugs too. Even though we were never actually close. Funny how those little things suddenly made me feel like the most special girl in the world. Thanks to you.

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Thanks to you, I too saw a side of you I never wanted to ever see. It disgusted me and I don't think I will ever get over them at all. Countless times you made me wonder why me? How can someone nice be so.... Evil at the same time? It was just mean... You may have been happy, but I wasn't. I detested every single moment of it. I am pretty sure you know it, so why did you make me do it? You can't blame me for hating you now, can you? 

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You know, I really abhor you. But at the same time, I feel sorry. Because afterall, you were the only person who would listen to me rant for days, wallowing in self pity and still try really hard to put a smile back onto my face. Basically you were there when no one else wanted to be. And if you still don't know, it meant a lot to me. To have just someone talk to you and try to find out what is going on when no one else cared... Especially if it was someone like you who was cold to me all the time. Having you open up and try to keep me happy was really special. Just something I would never ever forget. 

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But that still does not change the fact that I still hate you and will not forgive you for what you did.