That crew leader

I've been wanting to say this for a very very long time now. From the days after CY quit the crew, from the day you decided that you wanted to quit the crew. But I haven't. Because I never knew how to. It was not until I saw the picture you tagged me in of our former crew that I felt like I have to voice this out. And I am pretty sure you are gonna hate me for this. But fuck it...

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Just so you know, dance is suppose to be a passion, a hobby, something enjoyable. I am sure none of us who joined the crew ever wanted to make it big in the dance scene. All we wanted was people to dance with, people who shared the same interest as us to hang out with. We never asked to be first in any competition, much less get past auditions. You know how passion dies the moment you push someone so hard for his/her hobby? Yeah... I think that is what you did to us. 

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To be very honest with you, I enjoyed dancing with the crew way before we started joining stupid competitions that began to stress us out and tear the crew apart. I'd give you the fact that all dance crews will have their down sides, but I am sure it is not to the extent that members want to quit all the time. The reason why I suggested joining Dream Station is because I wanted to gain experience on stage and feel what it is like to be in such a competition. I never asked for more. I am sure CY didn't either, In the beginning everything was okay. No pressure, nothing. Because you were always focused on CY. I never understood why she became so cold to us after that. But I do now. 

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If you want to know since when I started to dislike dancing in the crew, it would be during the 4 members era. I swear I never looked forward to practice, It was not an immediate thing... But I started feeling it a few sessions into preparing for our competition. We are not a CCA. You don't treat us like we are in a CCA. I know I have never mentioned this before, but I absolutely hate people who give me the black face when they are teaching a dance. If you don't like it, DON'T TEACH. Sure you have flat foot, sure you have medical conditions, but that does not give you an excuse to bring it up at every session making us feel bad and continue training while you stand or sit and watch us while yelling at us. If you really enjoyed dancing with us as a crew that much, your flat foot and medical condition would not bother you that much. I know it is not easy to handle, but the impression you gave us was as though we were hopeless as a crew, you know? Bet you don't. 

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That night when you suddenly said you wanted to quit to crew, you have no idea how angry we all were. You are not the only one suffering okay.All of us were. What gave you the right, as the leader to quit the crew and expect us to run the damn thing ourselves? Drama much? Right before competition some more. Way to dampen our spirits bro.... 

The next day at practice when you came, me and Sakura gave you the black face. Only Joyce spoke to you. After that you said you were testing us to see who would put their pride down just to ask you if you are okay. I swear at that moment I wanted to scream at you. You think it is funny to play such a prank on the crew? If you are looking for someone to put their pride down after such a matter, I am sorry, I do not do such things. 

All these little things you did killed my passion for dance bit by bit. To the extent that I did not want to come for practice and had to force myself to give my 100% at all times. 

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And then the last straw came when you decided that we shouldn't join Teenage just because you were on a tight budget and Farh was busy. After all that talk about costumes, song choices and all, you just said " I don't think we should join Teenage." 

You know, I tried my best to try and understand. But I couldn't. 

I really wanted to join Teenage, so I hopped over to my friend's crew and he was willing to join the competition just for fun and experience. When I told you, your reaction was like a total drama mama... You mean you really didn't know that what you told me implied that we would not join Teenage? LOL... Damn girl. 

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And you know how you loved to post pictures of your ex crew and compare the sync you had with them? Yeah... I don't think that was very nice of you, If you like them so much, please dance with them instead. Why waste your time on a crew that you do not feel in sync with? This I never said either, but it was really mean of you to do so. Especially since you are the crew leader.

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If you ask me if I miss dancing with ME4NEEDZ, I'd  tell you I do, if it weren't for all the shit we had to endure during competition period. 

A crew is a gone case the moment the leader loses confidence in the members.

PS: Thank you for wishing me good luck on the audition. We didn't get into the Semis but we had fun and had no regrets after that.

PSS: the reason why I did not allow the picture you tagged me in to be published to my facebook wall is because I felt like it would be unfair to my current crew. I don't like people raking up their past crew stuff, so I won't rake mine up either.